10 years! 🥳

Trigger Warning: cancer

This month marks the tenth year since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I am cured, thankfully, and recently officially received confirmation of that from my annual scans. But I am loath to mention my celebrations, as I have so many friends whose lives have been blighted by the long shadow this horrendous disease can cast.

Only the other day I heard that another friend’s life had come to an end, after years of cancer treatment. On the bus on the way home yesterday, when I mentioned my celebrations, another friend reminded me that our mutual friend died from cancer not long after my diagnosis, 9 years ago. Also yesterday I spoke with another friend who is in the middle of her annual cycle of griefs – it’s 3 years since her husband died (far too young) from cancer. And I noticed again the Facebook profile of a friend I made in hospital who was exactly the same age as me, but who sadly died aged 39, less than a year after we met, in the midst of her treatment.

In memory of all these remarkable people and also in encouragement of all of my friends who have gone through treatment and survived like me, I do want to write of my gratitude.

Last night my housemates cooked up a storm to help me celebrate. It was good to remember and also to celebrate. A lot has happened in those ten years for which I am so grateful.

This morning as we prayed we read this quote from Evelyn Underhill:

When we are in good health, we all feel very real, solid, and permanent; and this is of all our illusions the most ridiculous.

May I never take the gift of life for granted.

In pursuit of silence

This is the title of my all time favourite documentary film, which I saw the first time it screened in the UK in 2016 in between my daily radiotherapy appointments for cancer treatment. The film blew my mind. And resonated in such a gentle, inspiring and positive way. It drew my attention with its beauty (it is wonderfully shot), and the quiet joy of its soundtrack. It is an exercise in contemplation just watching it. An act of rebellion against the drivenness and thoughtless, damaging noise of our time.

I watched it at the Sheffield Doc Fest, the international film festival for documentary makers, and the q&a following with Patrick Shen the film maker was also an inspiration. I knew about Sheffield Doc Fest but had rarely managed to prioritise going to see many films. Watching this during my cancer journey helped me to begin to re-evaluate a lot of things.

For one thing, if a film could inspire me and resonate with me so much that it held the potential to alter my way of being, I resolved never to let work or life stop me from drinking in the films that arrive each year in the very city I live in. Sheffield Doc Fest has become a place I prioritise being at.

https://sheffdocfest.com/news/2024-dates-announced-passes-sale-now

And for another, as I have watched this film time after time, it reminds me to continue my odyssey of seeking silence on my own and with others. I took the DVD with me on my trip around the world in 2019, which inspired me to begin writing this blog (it started as my travel blog), and I watched it with many of the people who hosted me. It provoked some incredible conversations between us. Real pearls.

Silence is something I run towards with a glad heart the more I practise it. I visited my parents recently, and at one point Mum came back having been out, and entered the room where I was simply being silent. She commented with questioning wonder on how silent the whole house was. I think she instinctively recognised that something important and deep, something I would describe as “holy” or “sacred”, even, was going on.

I have come to love the film so much I decided recently to see what Patrick Shen was up to, and found his Patreon. I read a bit of it and instantly knew this would help me stay my course. It seems the making of the film has also inspired a change of direction for him, too. I really admire the different creative approach he is taking as a result. To see, hear and read more click below:

https://www.patreon.com/patrickshen?utm_campaign=creatorshare_fan

I really hope and pray that these different ways of being we are finding across the world help us to evolve a more gentle way with ourselves, with each other and with our planet. A way that is content with enough, a way that embodies the kindness and quiet joy of silence. A way that deepens our connection with the natural world all around us. This is the way of healing, I think.

Faith

7 years ago at this time I was reeling from the news of my cancer diagnosis. I still remember how encouraging this particular card was to me then and remains now. I am so grateful for my journey of healing, for my friends and family and for the faith that has come to me as a gift 🙏💕